Sun in Aquarius. Moon in Aquarius.
This New Moon in Aquarius holds great significance for me—not just because it is an eclipse, but because one of my dearest friends, Kenny, passed away last week.
Those of you who have read my book know of Kenny—the man who spent 27 years in San Quentin. This piece is my way of sharing what I have learned about life in the wake of his heart attack that took him from us.
Who told us that soulmates had to be romantic, convenient, or easy to find? Quite the opposite. Soulmates often arrive without you even knowing it.
You meet one of these people discreetly. You discover the depth and longevity of the connection only when it is over—and has proven that it passed the test of time.
At first, you are casual friends. Maybe you work together. Maybe you meet at a gathering. Maybe you lived next door to them as a kid. Because it was so easy and so fun right at the start, it seemed natural that magic appeared at the hands of kismet, far from the efforts of the mind.
Do you know the word kismet? Or synchronicity? Or in Yiddish, bashert—referring to a love affair, finding the one. Sometimes it’s the best dog or cat in the world. Dogs and cats are soulmates—they don’t talk. It’s simple. They just love you.
I hope your first boyfriend or girlfriend started off as your best friend. Whether totally platonic or frisky as rabbits, the connection began in the depth of your Water. Someone on the soul’s team put them there.
Soulmates transcend definition at first.
You don’t know they are that special friend—the one who makes you laugh extra hard or makes you instantly feel safe and comfortable. But then time passes, and you reflect.
Wow. This person and I are really tight.
The friendship started effortlessly, but when the connection ends, there is huge sadness. That’s the clue. That’s the sign that a soulmate was nearby—it hurts so much when it ends.
Do you remember? That person didn’t need you. They just loved you—effortlessly.
Like a train running downhill—gravity is in your favor—an irresistible collision of atoms and hearts, and then voilà: the friendship arrived.
I’m telling you all this because, in the shadow of Kenny’s death, I realized how deep our agreement was. He is one of my soulmates.
My dear, Black, six-foot-four friend, born in L.A., who looked like a jazz musician. He found his spot in my inner circle without an invite. I can’t even remember when the wind came into town. We became pen pals and then real-life friends, and suddenly—without even knowing it—we were bound for decades.
For 13 years, every Monday, I sent him New Age cards. He was handed a life sentence for reasons that made zero sense. It didn’t matter. I just kept sending stickers and cards filled with rainbows and unicorns carrying messages of hope. They said: Be thankful. Keep dreaming. Keep the faith.
Kenny and I were the same age, but from totally different planets. I—a Jewish psychotherapist and Astrologer from Oak Park, Michigan. He—a Black man from L.A. who never had the chance to finish school.
How did we meet, you ask?
My son had a nanny. Because I was a single mom—my husband had died—and I really needed help. That’s how Ammi arrived in our ecosystem. Fifteen years older than me, she had a strong connection with Daniel. She, like Kenny, became family.
Her dear friend was volunteering at the prison, teaching a phonics class. She was leaving and said to Ammi, “There is one man who stands out, whose mother just died. I wonder if you would pen pal him.”
“Sure,” we said—and began sending cards.
Eventually, I met him. I went to San Quentin many times, and as fate would have it, we formed a friendship that has lasted this whole lifetime. For over 30 years, we never lost contact.
Only today, as I reflected on his Aquarian personality—how he never saw my skin color or our differences—do I see how extraordinary it was.
Recently, we went on a retreat in California to a place called Esalen. We shared a room. We studied with a Buddhist teacher who was teaching a class called Preparing to Die. Six months later, Kenny left us.
We spent so many good times together during holidays. Thanksgiving with his family and wife, Rae Ann. Time in Boulder with my family, riding bikes and enjoying the outdoors. I got him a bike for his home, and he loved it.
We took every chance we could get to connect—Thanksgiving, birthdays, and visits whenever I flew to California.
Last week, I lost a soulmate.
Only then did I realize how profound it is to let a friendship slide into creation—without the mind, without conditions—just an open heart.
Most of all, I have learned how sad it is when a soulmate goes back home…and the friendship, as we knew it, ends.
I am so so sorry for your loss. Words will never describe how that feeling of losing a special unique being can be. I am sending you love and strength through this difficult time. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am so very sorry for your sadness at losing someone so dear to you. Grief is hard! And heartbreaking. I’ll hold you and Kenny in my thoughts today. Much love to you.
Sending you love, Debra. I can’t imagine losing my bestie/soulmate, but I know that time matches on. This was my reminder to send her some love. 😘
I lost my black soul mate 19 June last year after 30 friendship/ lover years.
❤️🌺
You didn’t lose him, Debbie. He’s just on the other side of veil supporting and loving you like he always has. You might not “see” him in the traditional sense. More importantly, you see his soul. You see the depth of your relationship. You see the blessings he brought to your life. And I’ll bet you feel him. True soulmates never leave us.
The universe sent you to the retreat to prepare for your soul mates departure from how worldly vessel into the universe
Sending you heart hugs Debra.
It is sad and sobering to suddenly lose a soulmate friend.
Thank you for introducing Kenny to us through your book.
This post reminds me to reach out to my special humans.
My prayers are with you, his family, and friends.
My heart hurts with yours, and for yours. I have long believed that we can have more than one soulmate, and that they do not have to be romantic partners. I lost one of mine in late 2004, so I completely understand the feelings that come with that empty place in a heart. I am sending you love, blessings and prayers for comfort.
Debra, I’m so sorry for your loss … a very poignant story, hits to the soul of who we are … thank you and I pray your memory will help you move forward with love. ☮️💫🙏🏻
I’m so sorry for the the loss of your dear friend and soulmate. Tears sprang forth when you mentioned that a soulmate could be a special cat. YES!!! Bindi was my angel with fur for almost 18 years. He crossed the Rainbow Bridge almost 2 years ago and the grief was intense. He was my best friend, the love of my life, my soulmate. I’m thankful I knew that while he was still with me, so I could thank him every day for coming to live with me. I can’t speak like this to most people, and appreciate so much your including special pets as possible soulmates.
I’m thinking of you and sending love and hugs you grieve your Kenny. ❤️🙏
I’m sorry for your loss of this relationship Debra. A new one awaits you. May your healing be gentle and Kenny fly free🕊️☮️
I totally get it Debra. Thanks for sharing this. its beautiful. I lost my soulmate 2 weeks ago and i cried so deep. All I wanted to do was hug him and i got the chance when he was laid out and I talked to him lots and toughed him and kissed him. It was so good. We loved each other unconditionally and for that I am forever grateful. I kept calling his name 3 times in a row. It was weird and Im sure it is something he must have done as I never did. This love will always be alive and fresh within me and him also. I know this from the depts of my soul and heart. Forever love x x x x
I’m sorry for your loss. I know how much Kevin meant to you. You were such a precious part of his life and he will live in your heart forever
So very sorry for your loss. I feel a part of you went with him.
My husband died 5 years ago and even though I don’t think we were soulmates and so far he is the love of my life. After reading this blog, I am convinced that my Cat Sammie was a soulmate. I adopted him at 11/12 years old and only had him for three years before he passed. I felt a very deep wound after he left. A big part of me went with him. I had not bonded that deep with a cat since I was a young girl and have had cats for 30 years now. His passing hit me like a ton of bricks, like a gut punch. Not sure that I have even got over his death and now have two other cats whom I cherish. Sammie has been gone now for a couple of years and I am convinced we were together before and maybe even he was the same spirit that I bonded so tightly with as a child.
What a beautiful soulmate story, and what a blessing each of you were to the other. I’m sorry for the loss you will feel of his physical presence but his soul and energy will always be right beside you. I’ve experienced more losses than seems fair sometimes but I always say “death makes you turn up the volume on life!” I’m sure you will be getting many signs from him. Love and positive vibes to you. 💜
Sending love and hugs your way. My condolences to you and Kenny’s family and friends. Thank you for sharing the deep connection of a soulmate. I didn’t know my soulmate could be a friend. any blessings to you
Debra, I’m so sorry to hear of Kenny’s passing and for your loss. I’ve read his story and have heard you talk of him many times. I was saddened myself to read this email. I’m sure there are many people sending their condolences. I just couldn’t not respond.
May the love you share with him forever live in your heart.
Kindly,
KimberlyAHhhh
BEAUTIFUL DEBORAH!
Eloquently written. The truth touched my heart!
Soulmates are magic♡♡☆☆☆☆☆We WILL all
meet AGAIN in the STARS!!! PEACE, LOVE & BLESSINGS☆
I know it’s a beautiful release to transition to the other side, but can be such a heartbreak and sense of loss for us when someone departs we are so close to. And now your soulmate. I hold you in my heart Debra, with much love…
My condolences. There is no one who can replace a very special person in our life after that person dies. It is hard to accept that we will never be able to see or speak with them again. After my mother’s death, I did get some messages from my mother’s spirit through a medium. Although it is comforting to know the person’s soul still exists, it is not the same as actually being able to spend time with them and to communicate with them as fellow human beings living on Earth 🌍🌍.❤️❤️👻👻
My heart is saddened as I feel your loss! You must know how important you were in is life and that you made a profound difference! Breathe them all in and know that the angels acknowledge both of you for the efforts of sharing the grace of your souls and a twinkle in the stars for having touched each other on that level of friendship and kindness! Blessings Deb to you and to his family!💕
Debra, I’m so sorry for your loss. Kenny sounds like a radiant being. Glad you found each other and filled each other’s lives with the beauty of a soul-led friendship. Sending you love, light, unicorns, and rainbows as you navigate grief and loss.
There are no real words for this feeling of loss. It’s mostly the silence that informs you now.Perhaps that’s why you were so sad recently, as if you already knew there would be a very good reason for it soon. Sending you heartfelt compassion and love.
Thinking of you and what a gift your friendship was. I have one as well and appreciate it so much. Sending you healing love.
I feel the love and the heartache. How lucky you both were and still are.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.
I am very sorry for your loss. But we know he is still with you just not physically. You had a special relationship with him is very evident by your writing. Thank you for it and it being a blessing was evident.
So sorry for your loss…Debra…. ❤️
Oh Debra…what a beautiful tribute to your remarkable soul mate. Thank you for sharing. I read about Kenny in your book and now grieve your loss and rejoice in his crossing over to the Divine Light.
This earthly realm is but a moment in time. Your connection to Kenny will be forever. Your souls have much to share and teach not only each other but all who learn of your connection. Thank you for your sharing and may you always know that he will live forever in your heart. Hugs and more hugs for you Deb.
Love, peace, light!
Debra, Thank you for sharing your loss with us. Bearing one another’s burdens, we fulfill the law of Christ. May our distributed souls help sustain you in your grief. Sending you love and light.
A beautiful tribute. The sadness now is overwhelming, but the joy and shared life experiences will remain in you forever. Feel the pain and loss but focus on all the love and good times. Keep talking to him. He can hear you even now. You may not be able to hear his reply, but you can still feel the love. Blessings.
Thank you, Debra, for sharing this part of your journey with Kenny. Your book about him was one of the first of your books that I read. I cried then and again today. For the journey of discovery, for your courage and the love you leaned into. You are the way-shower your soul wanted you to be. I send Gratitude, Respect, Love.