Expanding Dreams, Collecting Lessons

Full Moon in Virgo, Sun in Pisces.

This Full Moon and eclipse is all about how to make your fantasies real. This blog is an invitation into a dream; a dream that one day there will be many who will speak a language of compassion and have a love for humanity based on the Four Elements and the stars. To have us each remember and understand who we are in view of the larger picture.

This is an invitation to gracefully dance with the timeless ingredients of creation: Water, Air, Earth, and Fire consciously embody the wisdom therein. This is my goal to remind you because when we remember that we are demi-gods, angels in training, students of life in a school being stalked, in live-time, to create with kindness, power, and creativity – then I will know I have done my job.

You probably didn’t know life is stalking you, with all your challenges, to find peace. It’s tricky, isn’t it? I am convinced that I am from the future, working backward. I remember a time when we all got along with ourselves and each other. We could articulate how we were each perfectly different and answer the call of collective peace. 

I knew your Saturn, and you knew my Mercury. We would speak of distinctions, effortlessly allowing everyone to be exactly who they wanted to be, on their terms, with harmony and grace. We could wield the sword of creation, supporting the evolution of humanity and the manifestation of karma.

I feel like I figured it out. It took so long. Silly me, from a young age, I just kept saying “yes” to everything life handed me, even when I should have said “no.”

This openness meant the death of any sense of any normalcy to my life. I lived in a crazy household. Like all of us in dysfunctional families, I had no idea my life was strange – even though my dad was in the Jewish mafia, my eldest brother was on heroin, my other brother went to a psychiatrist as early as he could ask for it – and continually suggested I do the same. My grandfather was murdered when I was 1½ years-old. My father was sent to prison twice – and got out each time because of his brilliant mind that clearly knew how to defy the law. He was a brilliant eccentric with a heart of gold. A crook with a heart.

You can see why I became a student of metaphysics and psychology at a young age.  I could not understand the people in my family. I sought out and received a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology. As years went on, I found some answers.

I have studied you, and life itself. I watch parents with kids who don’t treat them well, and I want to yell. I hear stories of sexual abuse, and I want to hurt someone. Yet when the perpetrator is in front of me, seeking healing, my heart opens as I enter their world. I am a healer. I have suffered with the pain of this human experience. I am sure it is because I feel so much that I cannot accept that the final stop on this journey is “pain city.” My lessons have taught me how to squeeze pain into wisdom.

I choose to feel the pain and pleasure without inhibition. I used to go numb. I learned that when I go numb it’s time to talk, move, change, seek help; to open yet again. My constant prayer in this life is: Let my heart stay open. Let there be a reason for my breath. Let me serve. Provide me with the energy to give every chance I get. So far, so good.

By 20-years-old I was an Astrologer. I wanted to know: what is jealousy and greed? Can we change the human impulses to hurt and be self-destructive? Do we have to be violent with the word “war” as the constant, across all time? When will peace rule? I concluded that duality rules our universe. As Einstein said: “God is not playing with dice.” There is a design here. Sweet and sour sauce, hope and despair co-exist. Get used to it.

I am a wild and soft mixture of deep caring with a cut-off alien thought process. I love people yet there are very few I want to have dinner with. I love humans while fearing them. People often like me, they say I appear like the girl next door. Truthfully, I am from a place far, far away.

Detached as I am sensitive, compassionate as I am judgmental, I simply do not understand violence and maliciousness. I love being human, yet I am disconnected from my own family.  I am as impatient and arrogant as any well-to-do North American. I am aware that I am spoiled and take things for granted, yet practice gratitude every chance I get. 

This total lunar eclipse in Virgo upon the Full Moon is a signature of purification. A portal to the truth of our nature. A bright light is shining upon health, routine and analytical thinking. How are we being of service to our own evolution? How are we in service to ourselves? To others? Did you know that we affect the whole? The collective of humanity that we are all a part of is affected by each of the sum of its parts. What we do individually has an effect, collectively.

I made a promise to myself to deal with this reality straight, up close and personal. I try to speak my truth with an open heart. My work demands I walk my talk or be a fraud – something I cannot tolerate. So I regularly confess to my employees that I do not know what I am doing. I want to be real.

I was taught fake from a young age. I had an ulcer, bad skin, and depression all through my young life – until I figured out how to be real. To live what I teach. Eventually I became healthy. Now I understand my nature better (hello, years of studying Astrology). I am okay with my tenderness. I am sensually comfortable in my skin and treat my body well.

I have learned to love being in a body. I work it out. I feed it well. I know how to stop indulging when I hear it whimper just before I get sick. I know how to cry. I allow myself to drop tears on a regular basis with a choice. I have promised myself not to fall into the trance of our society’s version of normalcy. Just like you, Life has challenged me every step of the way.

I have an ego. Here I am writing about myself. I have noticed that I seek applause. Tell me you like me; I am smart, I am pretty, a good mom, a successful Astrologer, a good writer.

Then by the next breath, I don’t care what you say. I am a rebel, and I am individualistic. I know Debra; I am good at being me. I know from my chart I am an unusual thinker and a breaker of rules. I know that I will never fit into any group for very long, and that I am as human and broken as you.

I live half of my time in a spiritual mecca: Boulder, Colorado, where the word authentic is thrown around like the snow in our mountains that never leaves…it’s just there. But what does it really mean to be real, human, and authentic? To me authenticity is not pretty: we are an awkward species. Like you, I am human while being an animal, needy and selfish. Then there is the divinity and being too careful, all at the same time.

We are all scared and powerful, we are awake and sleepy, we are greedy and giving. We live on a circular planet and we are circular in our being: around and around we go.

I was sent here as a star gazer to take on a human experience and then report back to the mothership. My primary call to action in my journey was to stay childlike, innocent and to stay awake – in other words: face reality just as it is.

I know that I will have fulfilled a major part of my contract of being here when I can share the wisdom of the Four Elements and the stars. Coming soon, we will be speaking the language of the Gods.

When this happens, I will then know the future has arrived, and I can go home. I have taken a vow to stay here until we are all done. While I am here I am continually compelled, with the help of many good friends, to share my school with you.

This Full Moon in Virgo asks us the question: What are our dreams? Who can we support? You have a dream, too. What is it? Ask an Astrologer – what was I supposed to learn/do/be here? This is the fulfillment of a Full Moon during Pisces season. I sincerely hope these Full Moon/New Moon blogs touch you in a way you cannot resist, and you, too, will want to study.

This is how the future will show up in the now.  You be you, I’ll be me, we follow the stars, and by doing so, we set the human condition free.

Debra

I’ll be in L.A. April 8–9 and Denver on April 14, singing I Don’t Believe in Astrology! Save the date—more details coming soon. In my book, I’ll help you activate your Observer, rewrite your narrative, and finally remember: What did I promise to learn in this life? You are not a mistake. You are exactly as you should be. Let this book be your dessert.